Running The Race

I myself am NOT much of a long distance runner. I've never minded short distance running (for obvious reasons!), but I was the one that would dread that weekly mile we would have to run in middle school.  When going to school every morning, I always admire those in cross country- the ones who are willing to get up early and run a few miles before the school day has really even started. 
What I had to realize was that all those runners, no matter how fast they are, or how much stamina they have- it's the endurance they have had to build up throughout their season that gets them through each practice. And not only that, but they have motivation to get them to where they need to be.
So, backing it up a little bit. I went to camp this summer, and had one of those 'camp experiences'. You know, the one where you leave the camp and just are on that high, where you're willing to do anything for the Lord..Or so we think. There's nothing wrong with an experience like that, but the trick is following the Lord always, even when that high has died.
So  I get home, and I found myself falling in love with Christ, even moreso then when I was at camp. I found myself deeply seeking a relationship with Him, and reading my Bible faithfully, and just enjoying the Lord. Pause.
James 1:2-3
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds. For you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."
Play.
Before I left for camp, I felt like God was telling me, gearing me up, trying to get me ready for trials that I would face. I expected to face those trials right when I got home, and when I didn't face them..I didn't let it bother me. Well, look back up at that verse in James.  He said, "Consider it pure joy WHEN you face trials of many kinds". Not if, but when. And trust me, the when came.
I found myself hit with doubts, anxieties, and just a sinful longing to distance myself from Christ's love. I struggled (briefly) with suicidal thoughts. I got to the point that I was so anxious that I would wake up in the morning and throw up...I KNEW that Satan was doing whatever he could to distance me from Christ, and since I knew that, I blamed all my struggles on Satan. I tried to give everything to God, but the anxiety kept coming back.. I ended up texting another counselor from camp, and I told her my struggles, and, again, blamed it all on Satan-saying I had done all I could do, and nothing was working. She told me that God might be trying to tell me something. heck yes he was.
I realized, thanks to the Lord, that I was merely ENDURING the struggles he put before me...He commands us to be joyful throughout our struggles. We should be rejoicing, because even though what we are going through SUCCCKKKS, it doesn't matter, because our struggles are making us stronger in our faith! Does that mean that once I realized that I got better immediately? No, no, no, no! I had to remember that Christ has perfect timing, and he will end the trial when he knows my heart has been put in the right place.
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed. Perplexed, but not in despair. Persecuted, but not abandoned. Struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our hearts the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus might be revealed in our body." 2 Corinthians 4:7-10
God is going to shape and mold us in any way that he chooses, because we belong to Him.  Because we live in this broken world, we are going to face struggles. But by trusting in the Lord, we can build up the endurance to run the race for none other than our savior that died for us.
Love you all SO much!
Hannah.