I think I've come to the conclusion that as humans, it's our nature to depend on SOMETHING-whether it's a person, place, thing..whatever. Sure, there's people out there that are more INdependent than others, but I don't know anyone out there that deep down wants to go out and live their life by themselves without putting their trust in something...But I think the trick is putting that trust on something that sticks.
I'm sure a lot of us have heard about the wise man who built his house upon a rock, and the foolish man who built his house on the sand. "The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house: yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock." (Matthew 7:25)
So this past week at school I started to REALLY miss camp. It's hard to walk around in a place crowded with people where you're in an environment where not everyone necessarily loves the Lord... The great thing about camp is that everyone is running towards one common goal: Jesus. And because of that, there aren't hardly any distractions, which is GREAT. And in my cabin, I was blessed to have four amazing counselors that really, really pushed me in my walk with the Lord, which was so cool. Towards the end of this week the Lord started to reveal to me that I was starting to make sky ranch-and my experience and the people that I was surrounded with at camp my idol. That actually really freaked me out. I'm super sensitive towards having an idolatrous mindset, because I struggled with that A TON last year with choir, and I'm super scared to fall deep in that sin. So for everyone reading this, prayers would be GREAT!
Something I'm realizing is that everything-literally, everything, is sinking sand-besides the Lord. And when that storm comes, if I'm not clinging to the Lord for dear life, I'm gonna fall into the waters. Does that mean forget about everything that I learned at camp, or cut myself off from the people that I met completely? No, absolutely not! But I believe that every good thing comes from the Lord, and he gives it to us to bring Him glory. By taking my longing to be back at camp, and my longing to be with my friends and counselors and remembering what I learned there, and thanking him for the experience I had there- that right there is giving him glory, and that I think will help me depend on Him! Ya'll, I can't shake this feeling that the Lord has something big planned for my life sophomore year. Not at all because of anything that i"ve done, but because of HIM! And I have a feeling that whatever this is is gonna be a struggle, and if that's right then I feel like the Lord is training me to keep my eyes on Him, so I know who to run to when it gets hard or trying.
I think lately I've started to grow weary of wrestling with questions about my faith, and the purpose in my life to live for Him. I just have so many questions. But WHOA the Lord just revealed something to me! When I seek God, he will offer an answer-maybe not right away, but I will go away learning something. The more questions I wrestle with, the more I learn. Maybe that's what the Lord is doing,a nd maybe that's why i sit here wondering why I seem to struggle so much with not understanding the Lord...Because he's PREPARING me! I guess the trick is to be patient, wait and watch to see how he'll work. I know it's gonna be great.
Love you all!
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