With Confidence

You know what I've let my life be consumed with these past couple weeks? ha. Scratch that. Since I got home from camp? WORRY.
Needless.
Stupid.
Ridiculous worry.
I don't even know where it began.. I guess here's a good place to start. I get home from camp, and I had gone thru a lot-I learned a ton, but I had struggled hardcore and made some stupid decisions. I told myself, though, that i was done worrying about choir, that i was done worrying about things EXTERNAL. And that's what I told people. When they heard I had an audition coming up, they'd be like, "hannah, I bet you're freaking out/so stressed" and I would get frustrated and be like..no, I'm not! I've chagned!
Yeah, on the outside maybe.  But really I was lying to myself.
BUt i was still worrying about things internally. I would see my sins, all the things I was doing wrong-and the things that maybe I wasn't doing well ENOUGH. And I would sit in worry, and it sucked. It really sucked. I can honestly say I have NOT been joyful for the Lord these past couple of months. Because I've been so focused on fixing myself.
haha, wrong-check out the scriptures.
"Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of our faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water."
Hebrews 10:19-22
Guys, no stinking place in God's BOOK OF TRUTH does it say that we can only be in the presence of the Lord by our OWN works! The whole point of Christianity, the whole reason it is so different from any other religion out there is that it's by GRACE we're saved! And when Christ died, that veil that was torn, that is so IMPORTANT! We have a God that wants us JUST as we are! I don't know aboutyou, but as cool as that sounds, I still struggle with wanting to be like.. "Okay God...yeah that's great of you, but I still feel like I need to be fixed before I can come t

Filthy Rags

So I've talked about control on here before, and the issue I have with it..

But I'm gonna talk about it again.

One thing that God has really revealed to me is how desperately I feel like I have to be in control in every situation. And it seems like no matter what struggle I've gone through, I can't get it thru my big head that the Christian walk is a walk of physical blindness-where we walk by faith, and not by sight.

But I feel like thru what I'm going through lately, it might be starting to click.

So we all sin, right?

Yes. Please tell me you're nodding your head right now..Or else we may have a problem. Haha, kidding. Sort of.

But I mean that's what Romans 3:23 says.

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

And I mean, I've had that literally engrained into my head since I was little and in sunday school that everyone makes mistakes,a nd we all fall short.

But here's what I'm starting to realize.

We fall so short, that man we fall short even when we don't WANT to fall short! 

(if that sentence made no sense, check out this verse-it's much more valid than I am)

"So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in y inner being I delight in God's law, but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:21-25

So here's Paul talking, and to me he sounds a little frustrated. Earlier in the chapter, He's basically asking why he does what his flesh wants, instead of doing what his heart deeply desires-the law of the Lord.

Do ya'll ever feel like that? I know when I'm in the middle of temptation, I have a decision to make-Do I do what is glorifying to God and, you know, maybe risk a little bit of discomfort or ridicule? Or do I make the decision to do what my flesh desires-whether that be to gossip, or to watch a movie that isn't honoring to the Lord..whatever! 

And the times that I choose my flesh over the Lord, I get so ANGRY with myself. Like why can't I just do what is honoring to the Lord? Is it really that hard to just not gossip about that person, or to not put this or that before God, or not to mouth off to my parents?

Yeah, It is.

The theme of these blog posts seem to always come back to me talking about how incredibly broken we are. I mean, here we are, for the most part as followers of Christ-WANTING to do Good, but we CANT, because we are that far from Him. And no matter how hard WE try, we won't ever be able to accomplish any good thing on our own. Guys, Isaiah 64 says that OUR GOOD WORKS ARE LIKE RAGS compared to the greatness of GOD-the God who gave his only son to die for us.

So whatdo we do? Just sit in our sin, wallow in it?

No, cuz if you read the end of the verse up there, what does it say?

"Thanks be to God, through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

Before we knew Christ, ya'll there WASNT anything we could do with our sin. We were slaves to sin, it was our MASTER and we couldn't escape it-couldn't get rid of it. But with Jesus, ya'll ANYTHING is possible-He didn't die on the cross for no stinking reason. He died, conquering sin with it. And he is perfect-he lived a life completely without sin, even with temptations (forty days in the desert? NO food?)So the point is, I think, that heck to the noooo we can't escape this bondage to sin by ourselves-we can only do it with Jesus. Does that mean that by relying on Jesus, we won't ever mess up? Noo, because we have free will, and a lot of times we're stupid sheep and make stupid decisions.

"My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart

and my portion forever."

Psalm 73:26

Earlier today when I read this, I just had to sit and let it sink in. Even though I will mess up, and I am a sinner, and I make mistakes, there is someone that won't ever fail, and someone who can fix what I mess up. And that isn't just ANY someone-Guys, it's the God of the universe. And there's something so stinking comforting about that.

But here's where the control comes in.

I've definitely had to let go of my pride these past couple weeks. Because I've had to realize that there really isn't anything I can do with my sin on my own. I can't change myself without the help of Christ-and so often getting help from Him means surrendering complete control, and swallowing my pride long enough to tell Jesus that I trust He'll take care of whatever sin, whatever junk I have.

And He will.

Because He's God.

And he is SO much greater than me.

Empty Hands

Giving up. 

Oh man, how many times have I considered that. Throughout these past weeks in school, there have been so many times when I feel overcome with temptation to just stop reading my Bible, to stop praying, to stop attempting to go out of my way to love people. I just hear that voice telling me that if I give up-it's okay, God will still love me..Life will just be easier.

Man, that voice is of the ENEMY!

"Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." -1 Peter 5:8

Guys, when the word of God mentions an enemy..He means an ENEMY-especially when he's talking about Satan. This isn't petty drama that we see between kids at school. Satan will do what he can to devour us- to try and get us to give up, and to give in to him. Why? Because he's scared. Because he knows the potential of every single person in this world-their potential to bring others to Christ, and to honor the Lord in everything we do. But, like I talked about in a blog post a week or so ago- God's got this battle in the bag.

But what do we do when we feel like giving up?

What would you do if i told you that when you feel like giving up...to just give up?

Because when it gets right down to it, we're humans, and we're weak-our endurance in the race we're running for Christ wont last us long, especially when we're under attack. 

Really, when I started feeling tempted to become complacent again, I had to take off my cool pants and let go of my pride.I realized that I started treating my walk with the Lord like a walk by myself. I started to become so action-focused that it was no wonder I was tired-I wasn't leaning on HIM!

Okay. So back it up. At the beginning of this post I mentioned how I wanted to give up, to stop reading my bible, etc.

Yeah, there's definitely a HUGE difference between giving it up to the Lord and just giving up. But the point is that when I come to the point that I feel like I can't go on anymore, that I can't continue living for the Lord-then that's such a crucial time to go running to the Lord and His word for shelter. And there's something beautiful about that, because then it stops being about what I do-and it starts to be a healing process that Abba gets to work in me(:

When I start to feel really hardcore tempted to give up, I just have tolook at another time where things were really intense-where I was feeling really tempted to throw in the towel, I kind of just ask myself..

Well, you didn't give up then, did you?

And no, i haven't. And that's because of one reason-Jesus Christ. It seems like no matter how tired I am, no matter how weary I've become, He unfailingly supplies me with just enough to continue on in the hope I have in Him. Guys-HE SUSTAINS!

"Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall." -Psalm 55:22

"Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." -Isaiah 46:4

Those verses offer so much comfort to me, because it is literally God promising us that until the day we die He is there, upholding us. That's why it's so important to draw near to the Lord-even, and ESPECIALLY when we feel like giving up.  God is always faithful. Who are we to question God's faithfulness, his presence, him always being with us-just because we're tired? I really do believe that when we are to the point of giving up, that's when we become completely dependent on Jesus. When we are so exhausted and tired, I think that's the best time for us to run to Jesus with empty hands. Because when our hands are empty, if we lift them up to Him..Guys, we are refilled again.